His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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