we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
