I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
