i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
