What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
