Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
