just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
