he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
