Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
