It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
