The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I looked at my own cervix.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
this hospital has no fireball
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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