Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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