Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
