Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
