yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
