why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
