im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
