No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
