spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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