My nipple is on Facebook.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I can't turn off my feet"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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