i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
