I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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