My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
