why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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