First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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