i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
