just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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