Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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