If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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