A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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