Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
