yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
