I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
