Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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