remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
