Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
