i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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