eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
