I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize