Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
