i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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