White coat. Heels.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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