you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
