Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
