listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
