i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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