Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
