69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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