Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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