Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
