Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
