She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
