There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
