I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I need to sanitize my soul.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
