sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
cat food counts as protein by the way
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
In other news, I just burned my penis
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
