I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
