if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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