Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
