um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
