awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It's never too late to be topless.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
