I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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