I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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