i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
