He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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