I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
