shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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