Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
