I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
