Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
