Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
