I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
