Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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