What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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