the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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