im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
