One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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