when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
