1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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