i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
