So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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